I have a friend...we used to be exceptionally close; for a variety of reasons we're not quite as close anymore, but she's still a good friend. Much of our friendship has always revolved around horses. We met through horses (though it turned out we lived near each other and had other things in common). She'd ridden for a lot of her life, unlike me, but when we met, neither of us had a horse. A few months after we met I got Griggs. Then about six months later she got her horse, William, a big Irish sport horse. At that time we were at the same barn, and we would go on trail together, see each other all the time...

She had a lot of issues with William; he never stayed sound for long, had a lot of problems in his left front that the vets were never able to satsfactorily diagnose or cure. In October 2004 she found another horse for serious riding and semi-retired William, though she still used him for trail-riding and a little bit of jumping. A few months later I got Bodie. So our "horse lives" kind of paralleled each other, even though eventually we moved off to different barns - about ten minutes apart - and our riding went in different directions. We still talked about it all the time and helped each other out with all sorts of horse stuff. We do Pilates together once a week and then have lunch, and mostly we talk about horses. This past Monday she was telling me about William's latest issues.

And then yesterday he did something out in his field - took a bad step? stepped in a hole? no one knows - that shattered his left front pastern joint (below his ankle, right above his hoof), and he had to be put down immediately. It all happened in less than an hour. He was only 15. At least he didn't suffer at all; it was quick, and there was absolutely no question about what needed to be done. He didn't even seem to be in much pain - but for my friend, of course, there's plenty of pain, and a great big hole where he used to be.

And for the rest of us who knew him, too. I remember the day he came...I've known him almost as long as I've known Griggs. I can't believe he's gone. And once again, it slams home for me how...fragile they are, these creatures we love so much. And how the same thing could happen to me, at any moment.

I'm trying to immerse myself, escape, in happier fannish thoughts. But I am sad, sad, sad.